There’s an avril lavigne song being blasted outside my room. “I wish you were here”, she laments. Can’t believe it’s been 8 years since I used to listen to her, singing bad renditions of my happy ending. Hahaha, I was such an angsty child. 

Today was a strange day. Loads of things happened; some sucked, some were alright, and one thing in particular made me roll around in self loathing for a few hours. I still don’t really know how to go on. Things are so different from that sunny day in July, where I was handed a bottle of vegetarian extract mixed in with the most purest feelings in the world.

Everything’s become really convoluted, like bits of the moon fell into a stew meant for planets, and now it’s this crater-y mess. Haha, not the best analogy, but serves it’s purpose. There’re so many more things to consider, so much more responsibilities, and definitely more coldness and solitude. Ignored text messages, the pursuit for individuality, connections that’ll probably evaporate once I leave this school, leaving nothing but wisps of not-so-fond memories. So this is what it feels like to grow up, huh? It sucks. The magic of things seems to have disappeared entirely. You know life’s pretty bad when lessons become the most enjoyable part of school. (teachers are better, but not that much)

I’m still feeling rather shaky, but as Ms soh said during lit class, time is inexorable and indiscriminate. It moves on, whether you like it or not. These 2 months might be the hardest in my 17 and a half years of existence, but the chase for human fulfilment and happiness is stronger than that, I hope. “We will”, you said. I trust you. Halcyon days, I’m waiting. 

(hurry)